Trying hard not to think about it

Over the last few days, with the weak wintry sun casting its welcome dappled light through the half leafy trees, I have had cause to relish many a moment. I have needed them, and sure as sunset, they have come.

Moments with boys scooting off fast ahead. Happy. So precious. Oblivious, excited, free. Desperate to get home.

Moments holding soft little hands. Delightful timeless walking chats about this and that. Lions versus cheetahs. Ants nests. Best friends. What else matters?

Examining the beautiful, developing features of my sons’ faces. Changing every day. Growing up in front of me. It is happening too fast, and yet not fast enough.

This painful process of parenting which we all share. This profound indescribable love, more like longing, so painful in its depth. How on earth do we bear it?

Our elders tell us it goes by so fast. Enjoy them while they are young. I am focussed and savouring and relishing the interspersed joy. Yet all is tinged with an intense mourning which threatens to topple the peace and expose the truth: it cannot be captured. Each moment, each fleeting breathless delight, is blown and wisplike vanishes.

Yet these joyous instants have a restorative power that propels us forward. Cumulatively each moment combines to provide some protection from the taunts of time. We can know that it flies but – for now – can not care.

I will just live and enjoy.


2 Responses to “Trying hard not to think about it”

  1. Jill Says:

    Beautiful Anna and just what I needed reminding of after my crazy, screaming banshee morning!

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